“I don’t think I knew what happiness was until they were born”: Fathers’ experience of happiness

Abstract

There is limited research available on how having children impacts fathers’ sense of happiness. Despite evidence suggesting that fathers experience vast happiness in their role, findings on parental happiness show conf licting results. Some studies show that having children increases parents’ happiness while others maintain that the process might reduce parents’ level of happiness. The aim of this study was to increase understanding of how fathers experience happiness through fatherhood. A phenomenological approach was used and interviews taken with nine fathers. They had between two and three children each, aged 13 and younger, and lived with the mother of their children. Participants belonged to a group of fathers who were likely to experience high levels of happiness, partly because they lived with their children and their children’s mother and they seemed to enjoy sufficient financial security. The study looked at the fathers’ definition of happiness, framed within three happiness theories: theory of positive emotions, self-determination theory about eudaimonia and basic psychological needs, and theory of meaning in life.

The findings showed that the fathers experienced happiness differently after their children were born. They reported an increase of positive emotions compared to before, deep-felt love, joy and gratitude. They also described a strengthened sense of meaning in their life following the birth of their children, expressing that their happiness had become richer and more meaningful. As a result, their life, decisions and actions began to take on a more important meaning after the children arrived in the world.

Despite the happiness-filled life with their children, the fathers found the role challenging and, in many ways, more difficult, as they sought to raise and care for their children, grapple with all the practical tasks accompanying parenthood, coordinate work and family life, as well as having enough time to spend with their partner, friends and hobbies. The fathers also experienced powerlessness and insecurity, for example when they felt there was but little they could do for their children when they fell ill. They also expressed concerns about their lack of competence in the parental role, given they were now responsible for their children’s well-being.

The study suggests that the fathers’ happiness was related to the degree of autonomy they experienced in their role, how competent they felt in their parental role and in bonding with their children - that is, the extent to which their basic psychological needs were met. It is likely that the fathers experienced a lack of autonomy when they had to prioritize work over their children. It is also possible to surmise that their need for relatedness was insufficiently met if they felt there was little time to spend with their partner or their friends. Finally, it is possible to argue that the fathers felt less competent when faced with feelings of powerlessness and insecurity in relation to childrearing. At the same time, the fathers are likely to experience increased autonomy, relatedness, and competence when they have ample time to spend with their children, their partner and their friends and feel competent in their parenting role at the same time. The role of parenthood, therefore, created conditions in which the fathers’ basic psychological needs were met, but the reverse was also the case.

In general, the challenges of parenthood were much less significant when compared to the level of happiness the children brought them. The fathers agreed that the challenges of fatherhood were worth the effort. The joy and happiness of the role compensates for how demanding it can be. They also noted that the source of happiness was different from what it used to be. Before becoming fathers, the happiness they experienced was more superficial and even more meaningless, whereas the happiness they felt in their role as fathers was fuller and more meaningful. It is possible that their previous experiences of happiness had more to do with short-term gratification. Their life changed radically after becoming fathers, a life where the children gave them a stronger sense of meaning. In sum, the fathers claimed that their life was considerably better with their children than without them. The fathers said that raising their children was a unique experience; seeing them grow and f lourish. They were grateful for having the opportunity to live a life shared with their children.

The authors are unaware of previous research focusing on fathers’ sense of happiness in the manner conducted in the current study. The study is an important contribution to happiness research within the field of positive psychology as well as a study on fathers’ experience of their role.